'Cause We've Ended As Lovers

...but it is only the beginning.

I saw an unbelievable performance last Tuesday night. I saw Jeff Beck at the legendary Ronnie Scott's Club in Soho. It was stunning. Literally beyond brilliant. I was just 10 feet from the stage. I could see the guitar strings vibrating. It was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had. I am still in awe. Most of you are probably aware I am huge Jeff Beck fan and I love him immensely. I am so happy 'Cause We've Ended as Lovers' was part of the repertoire this time (it wasn't when I saw him at Massey Hall in T.O. a few years ago). It was so close to the perfection of the album I cannot believe it - but alive and for that moment only. He spans every single emotion in that song (and others).

Ronnie Scott's is a small traditional jazz/blues club. To see an artist of this caliber in such an intimate setting is an experience I cannot really convey. I am still elated. I am sure the glow of this will always be with me (as it is from the first time I saw The Who). The band was fantastic, and it renewed a progenitor spirit in me. Jeff is really unique, and always true. That is an inspiration that can conquer the world. But - like a true Beck - I am not interested in that. I am interested in the strength in overcoming it.

Jeff points the way with a guitar and a spirit that shines through in everything.

Thank you, JB

Friends

Well it has been a long time. I've been without a computer for almost six months, and it has been a surprisingly difficult time. I thought it would be a nice break, a reprieve. On the contrary it has proved to be too fundamental to my life now - and all the dross notwithstanding the net is certainly an endless wire of fertility. It is great to be alive again.

Some amazing things have occurred in the meantime. The only distressing thing is that I was offline when the Led Zeppelin ticket ballot went into supernova. Led Zeppelin have been such an inspiration for so very long, I just cannot imagine I have missed out on attending the big show in London, my home - all due to circumstances completely out of my control. What an overwhelming depression. And I have to look at the O2 Centre every day as well.

Friends. The Greatest thing you ever can do now, is trade a smile with someone Who's blue now. Its very easy just....

What a brilliant message. This really will change your life for the better, and for so many others too. I can't think of anything more positive right now.

Don't Let Go The Coat

Thanks to everyone for stopping by, and thanks in particular to those who have left comments. I must apologise for the long absence. Things have been busy, difficult, and thoroughly good. I check in on the blogs constantly. I am always here in the silence. I do hope to have more time to interact now - this is the great virtue of a blog.

The pictures above are from Budapest. An absolute gem of a city and a very special place for me. My first night - on the underground, and an unprepared 'pre-picture' (was waiting for the flash !~!) from way up on Buda Hill. However, most night shots came out rather blurred - so only a few to choose from. None-the-less, the real pictures etched on my heart are crystal clear.

Love, Reign o'er Me

The last few months have been the most emotionally trying I have ever known. I never thought it was possible to experience such anguish and still live. Hope is all that has kept me. A flickering of faith is all that is opposing suffocating despair.

Only Love can bring the rain

Destroyer

Last Saturday was a fantastic day. England lost at rugby, and I had a row with a close friend. It was still a fantastic day for me.

On my way to meet my mate to watch the horrible rugby game, I spotted someone very familiar to me. Not just recognisable, but somebody I knew immediately. Someone I have always known, almost like a relative. That connection in a crowd was instant. I could almost have believed he knew it too. As I had already caught his eye when he was just in front of me I said 'Ray' ? He grinned a bit and nodded - right then I felt the positive paroxysm of life explode in me. Completely unexpected, but suddenly there I was - standing face to face with Ray Highsmith. One of my very few hero's. One of the few people who I identify with and who articulate my thoughts, feelings, and anxiety so completely. I then said 'Are you Ray Davies?' - and he said smiled and said 'yes'. It was so unexpected but I was bursting with things to say - and couldn't manage any of them. He stopped to shake my hand but he was not interested in staying for a conversation. He kept looking around because he clearly did not want any attention. Not in the least. Nobody on the street had a clue. They must have thought he is either an old friend of mine or someone famous they just didn't know. Too many things went racing through my head and I came across looking like a duffer. Not the impression I would have liked to have made at all. I feel bad about that. He was kind enough to shake my hand, asked my name, where I was from etc. I didn't want to intrude and told him 'sorry, don't mean to interrupt or intrude at all', and he just smiled and said 'take care' and waved, - as he walked away. Truly a genuinely nice guy. Although I did not make the best impression I could clearly see he was uncomfortable and I completely backed away and let him get on his way. I thought that was decent of me anyway, regardless.

When I decided to write this post it occurred to me 'Destroyer' describes exactly what I was trying to say in the previous post. Words and music, it is a near perfect reflection. I identify with Ray a lot. I identify with his manic depressive despair, his perseverance and steadfastness. His love and hopes for those of us lucky enough to perceive them. I struggle with many of the same things he does. A lot of his work is a true reflection of me too. Not always identical, but almost always in part. In large part.

Take good care too Ray. My only hope is to try this again. Since we're old friends now, why not post a comment. We're in easy reach of each other after all.

Day After Day

Although the pic is from a small, dark little room in Soho I rarely spend too much time in, last Sunday I was at one of my favourite pubs in Richmond - overlooking the beautiful Green. A refreshing change. England vs All Blacks (rugby) was on. Sadly, it turned out to be the worst defeat ever for England at Twickenham. Glad I wasn't there in person. I would have been had one of my closest mates - who is a huge rugby fan - not been away in America.

Anyway, on the train home I was thinking about more 'esoteric' things. I was on my own, which is often the case and I generally prefer it too. I have plenty of good friends, but I have come to value time to myself as well. In the pub I remember sitting in the most comfortable spot in a corner, watching the game, read the paper, and watched the crowd. A very, very attractive young lady came up to me and asked if I was 'Dave'. I wish I was, but had to confess I wasn't. She said I look a lot like Dave. She went on to say she had a 'lesson' with him that afternoon - which of course is quite strange, considering if you had just been with someone that very afternoon you would likely know them quite easily later on. I really wonder what sort of lesson it was - being a bit too shy and taken by surprise, I didn't ask. She went back to her chair, and was with another fella. I didn't know what to do. She had the cutest smile. She did catch my eye on and off and was, I think, flirting with me. So, who is this guy she is with? A colleague? Her brother? Her boyfriend? I felt awkward, but I was really very flattered all the same. I felt elated.

Another guy watching the match close to me had left his coat on a hanger right behind me. Toward the end of the evening, when he grabbed is coat - he told me I looked a little 'depressed'. That startled me - because I thought I was in top form. I certainly felt quite good about myself right then. It did make me think - a lot of people tell me I have a sort of an 'air of depression' about me. I am not depressed, not really - but I think I have a sort of demeanor that suggests I might be ever so slightly. Kinda like having the blues I guess. I don't know, but I really have to wonder about it. A lot of things really wind me up but not right then - I felt like Casanova. So why am I still blue? I think the guy is right - but I don't know when that really took root. When I was a kid I was the brightest, most carefree free-spirit there ever was. I am still stubbornly a free-spirit. Perhaps now there are a few things that I care deeply about that I didn't then - but for some reason the brightness is now tinged blue. Day after day.

Waterloo Sunset

I was a little surprised nobody commented on my fabulous pictures of my favourite London train station in the previous post. I was wondering if anybody could identify it. Today I tried to capture the essence of Waterloo Station - which is not the station in 'Train In Vain'. I can never really capture this one. I've always wanted to post personal impressions of what Ray Davies wrote about in Waterloo Sunset. Things I too have seen and felt a hundred thousand times, but I can never get it on film. Like most things inspirational, perhaps it is best to keep them in the recesses of the mind.

Terry and Julie need each other - but all I need is a Waterloo Sunset.