Destroyer

Last Saturday was a fantastic day. England lost at rugby, and I had a row with a close friend. It was still a fantastic day for me.

On my way to meet my mate to watch the horrible rugby game, I spotted someone very familiar to me. Not just recognisable, but somebody I knew immediately. Someone I have always known, almost like a relative. That connection in a crowd was instant. I could almost have believed he knew it too. As I had already caught his eye when he was just in front of me I said 'Ray' ? He grinned a bit and nodded - right then I felt the positive paroxysm of life explode in me. Completely unexpected, but suddenly there I was - standing face to face with Ray Highsmith. One of my very few hero's. One of the few people who I identify with and who articulate my thoughts, feelings, and anxiety so completely. I then said 'Are you Ray Davies?' - and he said smiled and said 'yes'. It was so unexpected but I was bursting with things to say - and couldn't manage any of them. He stopped to shake my hand but he was not interested in staying for a conversation. He kept looking around because he clearly did not want any attention. Not in the least. Nobody on the street had a clue. They must have thought he is either an old friend of mine or someone famous they just didn't know. Too many things went racing through my head and I came across looking like a duffer. Not the impression I would have liked to have made at all. I feel bad about that. He was kind enough to shake my hand, asked my name, where I was from etc. I didn't want to intrude and told him 'sorry, don't mean to interrupt or intrude at all', and he just smiled and said 'take care' and waved, - as he walked away. Truly a genuinely nice guy. Although I did not make the best impression I could clearly see he was uncomfortable and I completely backed away and let him get on his way. I thought that was decent of me anyway, regardless.

When I decided to write this post it occurred to me 'Destroyer' describes exactly what I was trying to say in the previous post. Words and music, it is a near perfect reflection. I identify with Ray a lot. I identify with his manic depressive despair, his perseverance and steadfastness. His love and hopes for those of us lucky enough to perceive them. I struggle with many of the same things he does. A lot of his work is a true reflection of me too. Not always identical, but almost always in part. In large part.

Take good care too Ray. My only hope is to try this again. Since we're old friends now, why not post a comment. We're in easy reach of each other after all.

Day After Day

Although the pic is from a small, dark little room in Soho I rarely spend too much time in, last Sunday I was at one of my favourite pubs in Richmond - overlooking the beautiful Green. A refreshing change. England vs All Blacks (rugby) was on. Sadly, it turned out to be the worst defeat ever for England at Twickenham. Glad I wasn't there in person. I would have been had one of my closest mates - who is a huge rugby fan - not been away in America.

Anyway, on the train home I was thinking about more 'esoteric' things. I was on my own, which is often the case and I generally prefer it too. I have plenty of good friends, but I have come to value time to myself as well. In the pub I remember sitting in the most comfortable spot in a corner, watching the game, read the paper, and watched the crowd. A very, very attractive young lady came up to me and asked if I was 'Dave'. I wish I was, but had to confess I wasn't. She said I look a lot like Dave. She went on to say she had a 'lesson' with him that afternoon - which of course is quite strange, considering if you had just been with someone that very afternoon you would likely know them quite easily later on. I really wonder what sort of lesson it was - being a bit too shy and taken by surprise, I didn't ask. She went back to her chair, and was with another fella. I didn't know what to do. She had the cutest smile. She did catch my eye on and off and was, I think, flirting with me. So, who is this guy she is with? A colleague? Her brother? Her boyfriend? I felt awkward, but I was really very flattered all the same. I felt elated.

Another guy watching the match close to me had left his coat on a hanger right behind me. Toward the end of the evening, when he grabbed is coat - he told me I looked a little 'depressed'. That startled me - because I thought I was in top form. I certainly felt quite good about myself right then. It did make me think - a lot of people tell me I have a sort of an 'air of depression' about me. I am not depressed, not really - but I think I have a sort of demeanor that suggests I might be ever so slightly. Kinda like having the blues I guess. I don't know, but I really have to wonder about it. A lot of things really wind me up but not right then - I felt like Casanova. So why am I still blue? I think the guy is right - but I don't know when that really took root. When I was a kid I was the brightest, most carefree free-spirit there ever was. I am still stubbornly a free-spirit. Perhaps now there are a few things that I care deeply about that I didn't then - but for some reason the brightness is now tinged blue. Day after day.

Waterloo Sunset

I was a little surprised nobody commented on my fabulous pictures of my favourite London train station in the previous post. I was wondering if anybody could identify it. Today I tried to capture the essence of Waterloo Station - which is not the station in 'Train In Vain'. I can never really capture this one. I've always wanted to post personal impressions of what Ray Davies wrote about in Waterloo Sunset. Things I too have seen and felt a hundred thousand times, but I can never get it on film. Like most things inspirational, perhaps it is best to keep them in the recesses of the mind.

Terry and Julie need each other - but all I need is a Waterloo Sunset.

Train In Vain

It has been fascinating watching the leadership of Tony Blair falter, stumble and crumble. It is also amazing to me how stubbornly insistent he is on hanging on to it. I really wonder what motivates people at times.

Although he has a boyish sort of charm and a likeable disposition I have huge problems with a number of policies he has pushed through the Commons and turned into law. Some of them get me so angry I feel physically ill when I think about them. Furious. That boyish charm has garnered him a lot of support in the past. I have always looked through and beyond that sort of thing, but in politics it is frequently all you need. Shockingly I know people who - when pressed - disagree with almost every one of his policies but still support him because he is 'likeable'. Unbelievable. This is exactly why we need to have personal liberty guaranteed to protect us from democracy. That is what constitutions are for. Anyway, not the point of this post. So how come things have turned so ugly for Tony? Professional politics all started with Ugly Rumours for Tony, and it is all going to end in ugly tatters. Certainly I would have pushed him out years ago if it were up to me. Recently though he has suffered most at the hands of his 'friends'. The how and why is important but secondary. This is something far more fundamental and I think we can all relate to it. Another sad 'Train In Vain', as brilliantly characterized by the Clash. Did you stand by me? No not at all - Did you stand by me? - No way.

Tony seems like a really nice fella and would probably be a great neighbour. I'm not a fan of his legacy as PM, but I think I know how he may feel now. Sorry mate. It must be much harder for him when friends let him down. Without the support of friends, there really isn't much of a Tony Blair there. Once all the peripheral support is stripped away, we are left with nothing. Kind of pathetic, especially for a leader. More characteristic of a vacuum. It can only be vain to continue to stay around - thankfully his train is about to leave.

With A Little Luck

This is the view from my window at work. I am disappointed the camera doesn't capture it really. I plan to get another of a winter sunset, which is stunning.

What I really wanted to display did not come out as well as I had hoped. In the second pic it is possible to see both Tower Bridge and Big Ben in the same eyeshot. I cannot think of any other place in London you can see both Tower Bridge and Big Ben in one glance. Westminster is far in the distance to the left of centre. With the naked eye you can just see the clock face but no way could anyone possibly make out the digits or the hands. Tower Bridge is a little closer but because the river winds around behind other buildings it is harder to make out at first. Anyway, didn't work out as I hoped but there it is - my beautiful London Town.

Looking around at other blogs it is easy to see that with all the horrible events going on around the world even friends do not agree on fundamentals. That is ok, there is certainly nothing wrong with disagreeing. Personally I value that because it makes me think. It can only strengthen my own convictions or force me to change them for the better. Either way it is a benefit. With a little luck, we can make this whole damn thing work out. I hope to do that in my little world, and I can only hope you strive to do that in yours. I have always found this to be an incredibly positive and reassuring sentiment.

Here Comes The Sun

It was a beautiful weekend. Too beautiful. July 15 is St Swithin's Day. Looks like we are in for another 40 days of sunshine and dry weather. I suppose many people would think that is good news but not me. We are in desperate need of rain. Perhaps it is true only love can make it rain. All the more reason we are in desperate need of rain.

Out On The Tiles

Many thanks to fellow bloggers Marietta, Mark, Jill, James, and Anne-Marie for a wonderful time tonight. It went by far too quickly. I was interested in hearing more stories and was only starting to warm up to contributing a few of my own. Didn't really have enough time to do that fully. Suddenly - it was time to leave! It was so great to get to know people in a more personal way. Of course it was a school night, and we really could not take full advantage of a completely relaxed and carefree evening. Not a true night 'out on the tiles' - not really - but a great deal of fun nonetheless. I hope we can all do it again. Soon.

One of the best things about a night out is the comforting feeling of the return home - (usually). That is why I chose a pic of my front door here. This is what I often see at the end of a long and winding road. Sometimes it is so late (early), I arrive after the milk bottles have been dropped off in the late early hours. Living in the past in more ways than one. A completely different world here, and I love it immensely.

If It Doesn't Come Naturally, Leave It

Yes, another song title as my theme. I love music and poetry/prose, and when they come together brilliantly I am truly inspired. Seems to be the only thing to motivate me to post. I have to work on that.

Al Stewart is frequently in my mind/heart. In particular, The Year Of The Cat is in very close harmony with me. For a time I was completely mesmerized by this album. I probably still am. The title song started out as something different altogether. Inspired by the tragedy of comedian Tony Hancock. Recently I've been thinking about the tragic end of 'the Comedian' on my other hero's website. I was so disappointed to see it pulled.

I was really looking forward to this venture. I was really looking forward to getting involved in this venture. I cannot think of any other artist around today, or even throughout the course of my life - other than John Lennon - who has had such an impact on me. What a privilege to interact in a small part of his art. I thoroughly enjoyed the first time beyond measure. I have come to love many of his true fans and the chance to interact with them. I have so much to catch up with. So much to make amends with. So much to learn, to contribute, to build and to rebuild friendships.

Although disappointed I understand perfectly why it has been pulled now. A very wise move, I must admit - but unfortunate. I am also glad to see the diary note-by-way-of-explanation taken down too. I was becoming concerned to see so much criticism and attack of the Daily Mail prior to them making this specific error. Imagine if they decide not to run with this ? and still, they're completely vilified for it - that can't be good news. A tricky situation. Either way you lose. Handled far more masterfully than I would have, I am sure. I am too stubborn, too willing to fight. Funny that, because I am often accused of being a bit of a soft touch. A push over, especially when it comes to helping people one on one - with a bitter streak ready to take on the world.

No Wonder I'm a True Fan.

Crossroads

Which way to go now? Many look appealing.

The unfortunate thing for us is that we cannot go in all directions at once. We must decide. I've been thinking a little lately about what guides my decision making. I was horrified. I have held myself back in many areas of life because of indecision. So many failings, so many shortcomings. However, I have somehow always been blessed at just the right time, right at the point of no return. I have always been saved in the nexus. Of course I have failed many times, and have a few scars to remind me. Life is a real struggle, and I often wonder how I am getting along at all. Overall though I have been guided and blessed by a much higher authority, and I thank God for saving me time and time again.

I have recently started a new job in the same organization I have been with for the past year and a half. I really hated my previous role. I am completely delighted with my new one. I love the job, and the people I am working with. I can't say this was the result of a cunning plan by me, but it is clearly the result of a cunning plan.

Dear God thank you, once again. Thank you. This is a huge responsibility and an enormous opportunity. Now I need your help every bit as much as I ever had before.

Another Day

"Its just another day", really. Stepping into shoes, dipping in the pocket of a raincoat - just another day. Thankfully I didn't need a raincoat today. Notting Hill Gate was beautiful, as always. This is where the slightly blurred picture is from - a sidewalk perch in front of a pub on Bayswater Road. Sublime. I like the fact it is a little out of focus, if only slightly. It is symbolic of the view I had from the other side of a pint glass. Before that though, this afternoon I was on my own in Richmond. I was admiring one of the most beautiful views in London from the pedestrian esplanade along the crest of the hill. I have not been there for a very long time. The strange thing about today though, is that I saw one of the people I admire most, one of the few people I respect and relate to most on his way home in person less than 100 yards from me. One person I would really and truly like to meet. I didn't have much time, he dashed into the house without a moments hesistation. Still though, I really wanted to say 'hello'. I should have. I don't truthfully know what I wanted other than to introduce myself and pass on my gratitude for years of enjoyment, years of realization, years of identification, years of therapy, for years and years and years. All I do know is that I wanted to let him know of me. But I didn't. And I wonder why. I wonder why I can be so outgoing and yet so coy. I wondered a lot on my way home alone. Again.

Just Another Day.

Beck's Bolero

Beck's Bolero is an allegory inspired by a piece of music. Accepting the view it is an allegory in thought, it is my hope to mirror the creation of the music in thoughtful input on this blog. (That doesn't mean it has to be clever - You can scream and kick the drum kit over if you like). In the same way I have assumed title, I am equally hoping it will be created by you. If this doesn't make any sense, have a cup of tea and take a few minutes to reflect on how Jeff brought the most amazing musicians together to create something greater than he could do on his own.

One of Jeff's most popular tracks for fans and Beck himself, 'Beck's Bolero' was actually written by Jimmy Page. So how did Jimmy Page come to write 'Beck's Bolero'? 'Well, with some difficulty and largely without me! He had heard me play in the studio after hours - in those days there was a lot of naughty recording sessions going on late at night. We would do this crap single for someone in about ten minutes 'cause they didn't have enough money to pay for the studio, then we'd leave the gear set up and have some fun! I fell in love with Jim's playing 'cause we spoke the same language - we probably still do but I dunno. I think we're both still steeped in the old days. We were out to get the most out of the studio, bending the rules like using slap echo - doing all the things you weren't allowed to do on a session.

'It was decided that it would be a good idea for me to record some of my own stuff like 'The Nazz are Blue' with a view towards making a solo album - this was partly to stop me moaning about the Yardbirds. I went over to Jim's house and he had this 12-string Fender and he loved the idea of using a bolero-type rhythm for a rock record. He was playing the bolero rhythm and I played the melody on top of it, but then I said, "Jim, you've got to break away from the bolero beat - you can't go on like that for ever!". So we stopped it dead in the middle of the song - like the Yardbirds would do on 'For Your Love' - then we stuck that riff into the middle.

'I always try to do things wholeheartedly or not at all, so I tried to imagine what my ideal band would be. We had the right producer, Keith Moon on drums, Jimmy on guitar and John Paul Jones on bass. You could feel the excitement in the studio even though we didn't know what we were going to play. I thought, "This is it! What a line-up!" But afterwards nothing really happened 'cause Moony couldn't leave The Who - he arrived at the studio in disguise so no one would know he was playing with another band. That band was the original Led Zeppelin - not called "Led Zeppelin" but that was still the earliest embryo of the band.

I was using a Les Paul for the lead guitar and for the backwards slide guitar through a Vox AC30 - it was the only amp I had and it was covered with beer! Actually, I think it was the beer that gave it it's sound! You can hear Moon screaming in the middle of the record over the drum break. If you listen after the drum break you can only hear the cymbal afterwards 'cause he knocked the mic over! Wonderful!'

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This interview was originally published in `The Guitar Magazine' Vol 3 No 4, June 1993.